May 26th 2014

I bought a Tablet on Thursday. I won't get it until this Wednesday though because of the holiday. I have been talking to my friend about stalking a potential target. He told me it would take months to properly stalk a target to learn the moves and actions but I do not think it will take that long. I am thinking more about a few weeks. He said 8 months. His family also offered me a place to live in a year. Of course, I like living in my solitude but maybe I should live with him and his family. Speaking of which, I desperately need to start saving money and become financially stable. My bank account is currently overdrawn by 500 dollars, which is no Bueno. It gets worse everyday. I really have to plan shit out. I met a new girl. She is very interesting. I'm not sure if she is completely interested in me or if I am a fling. I usually am good at figuring things out but I don't think I can figure this one. Maybe I should just let everything play out and hope for the best. Yeah. I think I will do that.

May 21st 2014

I hate to say it but I like being in my solitude. Company in regulation is not something I genuinely like but I have to keep my face status with people so they continue to help me while I help them. I do not mind helping people who are good for it because they have helped me in the past. But company with people is like a disease. It starts out like nothing but then it starts to get you sick, sick of the people or person you are with and just like human antibodies, you will fight with the person and try to push them away. When people realize I will never push them away, I wonder if in turn they will just hate me.

May 9th, 2014

While watch TV today before work, I got the image of a crazy guy with a butcher apron on chopping up dead bodies. While he is chopping dead bodies, he is listening to classical music, dancing with his arms and hands, while his other non dead victims are tied up with their mouths covered trying to scream in horror. I'm thinking weather or not he had a mask on but I'm sure the victims could not see his face because facial expressions are not as scarey as not seeing them.

May 2nd, 2014

I remember back when I was small, I went to a street with my mom and friends of the family that was dedicated to Halloween. The street had people walking down it dressed in costumes trying to scare the people trick or treating. Almost every house was a haunted house walk through. And I remember walking through one house and totally loosing control and becoming scared for the rest of the night. The house was full of hidden Windows with people waiting to sneak out of the corner and scare you. The lights were like a faint green, neon red, and a flashing white light. And this one person in a Mike Myers masks totally scared the shit out of me and that was it for me. Everything that night from that point was scarey. The people standing in the trees peeking out in scream masks, the werewolf walking up and down the road staring at everyone.  I just lost it. And I remember this now because, from that day, I have never felt another fear. So if I ever find that fear again, I'll be sure to never let it go.