March 28, 2014 2

I can't help but get a sexual thrill when I notice people I don't know are missing a significant other. I'm not sure why. Also, death, horror, and the like. Like, I wanna fucka zombie in a graveyard with dead bodies all around us with people crying and screaming is horror.

March 28, 2014

I haven't posted in a while. I have been on pain pills and I noticed that when I don't take them, I get depressed. Almost back to my old ways and feeling emotions again. I gotta get away from that. Emotions are always trouble. Just like finding out my most recent ex girlfriend, the one I will always be in love with, lied to me a million times. But maybe she didn't and I am supposed to believe what she says. She aborted my child but I guess it was my decision. Funny thing though, I haven't seen her since then and she has been distant and I am drawing conclusions that she never got it aborted and she is hiding a child from me. But what if she isn't? I'm also starting to think people at work are giving me the very easy road but do I deserve it? I show no affection to anyone but maybe that's my problem. While walking 7 miles home though, my mind does wander. Almost got into writing a long story. I probably will eventually write this story because it's a very awesome idea. These ideas always hit me so maybe I should write them down. Well I'm 24 years old now and maybe I should start being more adult about things and realizing that maybe I should focus on the things that make me feel good and not focus on rising above on the things that make me crazy. Good luck, I will tell myself as I remove the knife from my skin.

March 14 2014

A day after my birthday. I started researching what a serial killer would do. He would stalk either men or women to make sure that he was in control on them. He would silently and secretly watch them. And I wondered, do I do that to anyone? Well, the answer is yes. If I had to the chance to stalk people, I would and I would do it silently. Because I have done it before. And my fetish with legs, it explains it. If I was a serial killer, my targets would be young girls who would be walking around outside in shorts. After I rape them, I would kill them and dispose of the body's. I wonder if I would keep a souvenir. I don't know. But enough about my brain and my train of thought.

March 11, 2014

Thinking homicidal thoughts sometimes make me feel better. I guess it matters on who I am thinking about. I feel no mercy towards people. People will say thinks to make me feel bad but I just don't care. Like, a couple nights ago my friend from work asked if I could help him with the garbage. I told him I was busy. So he got all mad and told me that he doesn't need help the rest of the night and I should just do my own thing. So I said ok, dropped the garbage bags, and went back to dishes. Why should I care? Does it make me a bad person or a better one? To not feel the feelings of things when I should?  Honestly,  I do not care. I don't really care about anything. I turn my back on things i used to care about. The people always hurt you and the items aren't real. So why bother?

March 6th, 2014

When I see an attractive girl, I wonder to myself how can I get someone like that? I'm not a very good looking dude. My love of my life decided she didn't wanna marry me after our break. Also, I do feel my head spinning in aggressive thoughts more often. Maybe that's the cause of all my pain and crazy. That lust for women and to be with someone. Maybe I should not be with anyone. I wonder how all of this pain would have started. People are supposed to heal from a broken heart. All I did was adapt and embrace. I have tried going to mental clinics but they never help. I believe they just made me more crazy. I hung with people who really did have problems. I was locked with them. That probably changed my state of mind a little, locking me with people who have snapped. I snapped a long time ago. Probably about the time where my stepfather used to abuse me. He has no idea how much I want him dead or how much I think he should just disappear. If only he could just relive everything he did to me from my point of view. I wouldn't have to find pictures of him smiling. He would be dead. I would be the one smiling. Him dead would be a masterpiece.

March 4, 2014

Maybe I don't have a specific person out there for me. Maybe some people are just ment to wonder around without their mate or maybe their mate has already passed away. If you think about it, it makes sense. Death happens alot in this world and maybe people that don't have someone are just too late. I thought I found my someone. But that someone happened twice. Never a good ending. Luckily, I don't have to do anything about it. Karma kicked her ass and made her suffer. Her grandmother, who was close to the family, passed away. Ya know, I thought I was fucked up but who fucking laughs when you're breaking up with someone. I hope she gets in a car crash and fucking looses control of her legs. One can only wish, right? I mean, she is the first I had sex with and the first girl I kissed. She has gained a pot of weight lately. Maybe she will just explode. Who cares. Another thing that's been bothering me is, the more negative I feel about someone, the more worse things happen to them. For example, I hated this man. He was a drunk and he was abusive. Me and him got into a fist fight and I called the cops. He was banned from the house. Keep in mind, he is my friends stepfather. About 3 months after that fight, he got a blood clot in his leg and fell into a coma. He eventually died because his heart gave out. Another time, I noticed a white pregnant girl dating a black man. In my mind, they should not reproduce. Yes, have sex but don't reproduce. So, I said to myself, he should leave her. Well guess what happened, he got hit by a car. Died instantly. I also held resentment to a friend of mine. Anytime I feel angry towards him, bad things happen in his life. He got addicted to drugs and kicked out of his parents. I really don't know. But like, I should just start loving people. And for you people reading this, love me back or I may kill you. Another thing is this psychic thing I got going on. Like, I'll smell like wood burning, This happened last night, and I see there is a horrible explosion in New Jersey. I always feel something behind me and I see it move, and sometimes I feel like something is gonna happen. Funny thing, it always does. Something always happens...

1st post

This will be my first post into my twisted blog that I will soon write in almost everyday. As I lose sanity, my posts may become very wrong and sometimes threatening. This post is to warn the readers. What you read may disturb you and insult you. Be prepared...